How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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