i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
