you win again, gameday.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
