Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
