Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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