Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
