True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
