I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
