I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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