why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
