omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
