Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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