The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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