dude i'm inner monologue high
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
