ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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