You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
