I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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