dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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