omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize