the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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