Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
