Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
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