Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
