with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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