Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
