I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
