I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
