R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
