ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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