sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you have to choose: penises or morals?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
