I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
