Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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