dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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