On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
