I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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