thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
