Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
