Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
