Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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