2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
