i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize