I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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