hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize