omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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