I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
