the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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