I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
