I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
