So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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