I met the friendliest cop last night
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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