Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
