Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
