idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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