well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
