That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
