u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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