I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
