I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
