You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
