If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
