a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
