I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
