You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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