Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
