just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
