My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
