Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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