last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
