We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
