Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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