Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
