its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
