i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
