Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
